


Ice Breaker

by PhilistiniPhagottini



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Jokes, Gen, Humor, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilistiniPhagottini/pseuds/PhilistiniPhagottini
Summary: You want to get along well with your teammates so you decide to crack a joke to break the ice.
Kudos: 8





	Ice Breaker

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some writing practice so I can start getting into writing for the Naruto series. Hope you enjoy.

Of all the members you could have been paired with in the Akatsuki, why did it have to be these two? Out of every single member in your rag tag group, including Leader, these two were probably the most likely out of everyone to kill you. 

Hidan was the least likely out of the two to kill you, but only just by a fraction. He put on a friendly face and tried to strike up a conversation with you the moment you left headquarters. He bombarded you with questions, asking you about religion and even trying to convert you to his beliefs. You were terrified at one point that he was going to get bored and decide to sacrifice you to his almighty Lord and Saviour Jashin. The man couldn't go a full minute without bringing up the topic of religion. It was obvious he hated long silences, which really irritated his partner to no end. It must have been about the fifth time that Kakuzu had told Hidan to "shut up or I'll kill you where you stand" within the span of about 10 minutes, possibly less. 

Now Kakuzu was the one you were really looking out for. You had been told by several different Akatsuki members that the man was impatient and had a short fuse. He had killed all his previous partners when they irritated him too much. The term ‘irritated’ had a very loose meaning. You were careful with what you said, trying to limit your conversations and speak to him only when necessary and avoid doing anything that would piss him off. So far, it had been smooth sailing but the longer you spent in their presence the more anxious you became, the anxiety gnawing at your skin as a horrible coil twisted in your gut. 

You had been walking through the forest for quite some time now and Hidan made his boredom obvious to everyone. Kakuzu pointedly ignored him, which only made Hidan pine for his attention even more. It was at this point you decided to try and break the ice. You were getting tired of walking around like something heavy was weighing on your shoulders. Maybe if they enjoyed your banter, they'd be less inclined to kill you? It was a stupid line of thought but you were going to stick with it. You lightly cleared your throat, gaining both of their attention as you followed a worn forest trail through the mountains.

"Want to hear a joke?" you asked.

Hidan's mood immediately brightened as he flashed you a toothy grin.

"Yes."

"No."

Hidan shot Kakuzu an irritated look, glaring at the back of his head. 

"Oi, Kakuzu-"

"Why do you want to waste our time with childish banter?" Kakuzu questioned, completely cutting off whatever Hidan was about to say.

This only caused Hidan further frustration, hands curling into fists and nails biting into his palms as he hissed at the older man.

"Don't cut me off you bastard" Hidan spat, eyebrow twitching with irritation.

Kakuzu still chose to ignore Hidan, which he knew pissed him off, as he cast his sickly green gaze to you, expecting an answer. You audibly gulped as you hid your arms behind your back, palms sweating at the intense glare he was giving you.

"Well, I've basically been shitting my pants ever since we've left home base so I thought a little chuckle would go down well" you replied, trying not to sound too meek.

Kakuzu did not look impressed with you. Well, you thought he didn't. You weren't sure if he was actually glaring or if that was his natural resting face. You were tempted to ask but you liked your head on your shoulders so you kept your mouth sewn tightly shut. Hidan rolled his eyes as he waved Kakuzu off.

"Ignore him. Tell us the joke."

You stared at Kakuzu a little longer, waiting to see if he would try and interrupt you. When there was no further objections, you continued with a small nod of your head.

"Okay, here goes. Why did the chicken go to the seance?" you began.

A frown tugged at Hidan's lips. He placed both hands behind his head, tilting his head skyward as he tried to spot the clouds through the thick canopy of trees. He thought about your question for a long moment before he shrugged, the movement causing the rope of his scythe to brush his shoulders.

"I don't know" he replied. "Why?"

A small smile played at your lips as you stared into Hidan’s crimson gaze.

"To get to the other side."

Hidan pondered your answer for a good five seconds before a wide grin split his face. He threw his head back as he roared with laughter, his loud voice echoing through the forest and scaring a family of nesting sparrows out of their tree. You heard Kakuzu snicker under his breath but he tried to cover it up with a small cough. That had gone…better than you expected. You weren't sure whose reaction you were more proud of. The anxiety in you slowly started to ease, the tension leaving your shoulders as you relaxed more in their company. Hidan wiped the tears out of his eyes, his laughter finally settling down as he took in a few gulps of air. 

"That wasn't half bad. I didn't expect such a morbid joke to come from you" Hidan said with a grin.

He suddenly bumped his shoulder against yours, almost throwing you off balance and into a tree. Before you could lose your footing, he slung an arm around your shoulder, pressing against you a little too close for comfort. You were mindful of his scythe, trying not to get your coat caught on the sharp edges. Your nose crinkled as the strong odour of blood invaded your senses, the smell so thick you could almost taste it on your tongue. Your anxiety spiked for a brief second but once you realised he wasn't trying to attack you or do anything shady, you relaxed.

"I like you" Hidan drawled before he jabbed a finger in Kakuzu's direction. "You're better company than the old man."

"We're not here to make friends" Kakuzu replied, his voice low and bordering on a growl. 

Hidan pouted before a loud rush of air blew past his lips.

"Who would want to be friends with you? All you talk about is money" he jeered.

Hidan let go of you, making your heart ease off the frantic pace it had been going since teaming up with the two men. It jumped up into your throat when he suddenly clapped you on the back, causing you to take a few quick steps forward and almost run straight into Kakuzu's back. Kakuzu hissed under his breath as he glared at Hidan.

"Brat."

You weren't sure who he was referring to. You silently hoped it was just Hidan. You flashed Kakuzu a pleasant smile but you weren't really sure if he was giving you one back because of the cloth covering his mouth. He probably wasn't though. Chances were his mouth was just etched in a permanent scowl. You looked between the two men, trotting to keep up with Kakuzu's long strides. After a long moment of staring behind you at Hidan, you looked back to Kakuzu.

"You know, since you hate him talking so much, I'm surprised you haven't sewn his mouth shut yet."

Kakuzu titled his head in your direction. His eyes weren't giving you a harsh stare as he gave you a thoughtful look. He looked back at Hidan, who hadn't heard your conversation as he was too busy talking about the different shapes of the clouds. Kakuzu hummed.

"I...hadn't really considered that option."

You flashed him a smile. "The advice is free, by the way. Consider it on the house."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "Don't get too cocky. I may just sew your mouth shut too."

A panicked look briefly flashed across your face as you gave the intimidating man a pleading look.

"Please don't. I rather enjoy being able to eat food" you admitted.

Kakuzu snickered under his breath once more, getting enjoyment out of your sudden panic. 

"You have...a tolerable personality" he decided. 

Your eyes widened as your eyebrows almost shot up to your hairline in surprise. Your jaw was slack as you gaped at him. That was the nicest thing he had ever said to you.

"Am I growing on you, Kakuzu?"

You received a grunt in reply as he refused to look at you. 

"One more word about it and I'll kill you."

You were quick to shut your mouth but you couldn't wipe the grin off your face. Your mission to break the ice was a success. Now all you had to do was survive the rest of your mission without either Kakuzu trying to kill you or Hidan possibly sacrificing you to his blood thirsty God. Just one small step at a time. 


End file.
